A Mother By Any Other Name….

I think I have MMPD –Multiple Mother Personality Disorder.  How many of ‘me‘ are there? Let us count them all, shall we?

First of all, there’s Laverne.

Laverne is what Martha Beck, author of The Four Day Win, would call my inner Dictator.  I would best describe Laverne as, well, a bloody dictator! She says things to me like: “Don’t you dare eat that“; “Be nice“; “Make your kids behave for cryin’ out loud“; and my favorite: “What will people say?” I hate Laverne. Laverne must die.  Soon.

Next there’s Shirley. Not her real name. Shirley is my “Wild Child”. She says things to me like: “Go ahead, eat it, you deserve  it, you just walked the dog “; “Let’s go shopping“; “Sure the kids can get a tattoo as long as it says MOM“; and my favorite: “Let’s watch Oprah.” As if having Laverne and Shirley do battle in my head isn’t bad enough, I also have to contend with…

Ruth.

Basically, Ruth is my mother by another name. She’s full of suggestions: “Don’t you think the girls should be taking tap lessons?”; “I really don’t think lime green is a good color choice for closet hangers” and “There’s the hard way and then there’s my way. Why do you always do it the hard way?” By the way, Ruth’s real name is Ruthless.  She’s my inner critic.

Damn! Just call me Sybil.

Would the real ME please stand up.  Wait, who is Me?

Well, according to Martha, the real me is the one who stands back and simply observes without reacting. As The Watcher I don’t have to participate in the battle raging in my head. I can simply sit (or stand) back and notice all the people in there, going blah-blah-bloody-blah, and then I can decide what I want to do. When I’m ready to decide. When I say so. It really is all about Me.

The problem with MMPD is that, to your kids, you look and sound like a freak! When you’re at the mercy of Laverne, you become Dictator Mom. At the whims of Shirley?–hey kids, it’s Wild ‘n Wacky (and not in a good way) Mom. And when Ruth-the-Critic is in your head, and the resentment just keeps on comin’, your kids don’t stand a chance. Who can blame them for tuning out?

So one day, while driving around trying to do the things on The To Do List, I told Shirley to go sit in the back seat and put a sock in it. She didn’t like that much and put on a big pout. But, like I told her, I really didn’t deserve a Big Mac that day.  I deserved something that would nourish and nurture Me.

Why am I talking to the people in my head?

The first big step in trying to Get A Grip is to figure out who You are, not as a mother, but as a person. We start the process by doing nothing other than noticing all the chatter, all the voices in our head–our parents, Miss Roach (my third grade teacher), the make-up lady at Bloomingdale’s who insists I need to wear lash-thickening mascara.  When you slow down and start to get curious about all the thoughts that hi-jack You (as opposed to listening/believing them) then you become The Watcher. That’s when you begin to stand a chance at getting aligned with Your True Self – the one who decides what she’ll Eat, when/if she’ll Pray, who she’ll Love.

Besides, I like my lime green hangers.