Part deux: It’s 11 o’clock. Do you know where your balls are?

THE ART OF JUGGLING YOUR BALLS: PART II

a.k.a. The New Rules for Mothers Who Do Too Much and Think That’s A Good Thing!

To make sure you were paying attention last week, I am now going to test you on Part I of The Art of Juggling Your Balls.

1.  Moms who juggle more than one ball at a time believe:

a) in the Easter Bunny

b) Prozac is the new chocolate

c) balls are overrated

d) a + b but not c

2. Women who want it all, define ‘all’ as:

a) Brad Pitt

b) chocolate-covered Prozac

c) 1.738 children, 4 ex-husbands, and Death-by-Motherhood lip gloss*

d) a + some b and definitely c

How did you score?

A score of less than 5** may indicate PDLOQTRFSTW. Don’t bother looking it up.  There is no cure.

Unless…. you read…

MY NEW BOOK! Actually I don’t have a book but if I did it would be called The New Rules for Mothers Who Do Too Much and Think That’s A Good Thing! and it would look like this:

I need a bigger book!

PDLOQTRFSTW is a unique malady because, not only does it have a lot of letters and cannot be pronounced, it’s sneaky. It makes you think you’re strong and healthy and can have it all.  What my new book would reveal (if it existed) is this:

you can’t have it all

WHAT?

you can’t have it all

Speak up, dammit!

YOU CAN’T HAVE IT ALL!!!!!!

UH OH. I am going to be in big trouble for saying that. (But if it’s in a book that doesn’t exist, who will ever know?)

Wait… I came forth to speak the truth. For I have learned. I have suffered. I have been to the dark side…

Sorry, wrong book.

Bottom Line: YOU CANNOT HAVE IT ALL. It was a  myth that you could. A story. A hoax. A fabrication by somebody, somewhere, who confused equality with insanity.

The notion that women can have it all is a trick because we think that the pursuit of ‘all’ equals the pursuit of happiness, therefore having it all must be a good thing, right? It’s a trick we play on ourselves, each other, and the world.  And that is just plain rude!

And it doesn’t matter how you define ‘all’. What matters is how you define happiness. I propose that we re-define happiness. Which brings us (finally) to MORE NEW RULES…

RULE # 7: HAPPINESS = LOVING YOUR BALLS ONE AT A TIME

For many women, having it all promises happiness. But here’s where it gets twisted. Many of us equate happiness with approval. From anyone and everyone but ourselves. Looking good on the outside has trumped feeling good on the inside.  That can’t be good.

 

 

(nice but)

…if you make loving your balls your Number One Priority, you will find your happiness. Promise. Ya’ gotta love your balls. To do that you have to…

RULE # 8: TREAT YOUR BALLS AS IF THEY WERE FABERGÉ EGGS

Hmmm. I know that sounds deep and profound so I’m going to put it another way: Handle your balls with care. Love them. Treasure them. If you do this you’ll think twice about juggling more than one ball at a time.

Rule # 9: Always ask: Which ball do I really want to play with right now?

When you wake up in the morning, the first thing you do is check in with yourself. How are you feeling–not thinking–feeeeeeling.  Ya’ gotta feel good. That’s all there is to it. So, whatever you do next has got to feel good–a stretch?; some deep breathing perhaps?; morning pages?; chopping wood? It really is all about YOU.  That’s a good thing. Own it! Love it! –or–STEP AWAY FROM THE BALLS. I repeat, do not touch a ball that doesn’t feel good when you touch it.

….what about my job? What about the dirty laundry?

What about the plight of the Titi Monkeys?

TOO BAD!

Do not touch anything UNTIL you feel good.  THAT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO THE WORLD!

Make sure it feels good to go to work.

Step away from the laundry until you can find the love in your heart for your family such that you are inspired to wash their clothes. OR, get your mother to do it (that would be mean, but how else is she going to learn this stuff?) OR hire someone else to do it. These are all options. Pick one. But whatever you do, don’t do the laundry while pouting about the laundry, or anything else for that matter.

Same goes for those monkeys.

Own it! Love it–or DO NOT JUGGLE THAT BALL!

And when you’re done you’re going to…

Pick up another ball. Repeat. This new practice is called NOT HAVING IT ALL AND LOVING IT.

Because, what is the point of having it all when having it turns you into a __________ (insert words that rhyme with ‘hit shed’).

RULE # 10: IT’S ALL ABOUT ME

Repeat this phrase over and over: It’s really is all about me. This is the proper way to use the word ‘all’ in a sentence.

Trying to have it all makes us miserable because the pursuit of happiness by chasing ‘all’ sets us up for failure, and that makes us feel _________ (insert feeling that rhymes with kitty) and then we’re not any good to anybody. Once again: It is your responsibility to feel good so that you can have a positive impact on the world.

And sometimes…

…all you may want is a cookie.  Go for it… if eating it will leave you feeling good.

That was easy.

———-

* Shiny but deadly.

** Bonus points: How many times did I use the word ‘all’ in this post?

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