I used to have a really big head.
99% of my weight was in my head.
Like most people, I had a lot of sh!tty thoughts I was carrying around since I was a zygote. This caused my head to get really big. I mean really really big.
Pissed me right off.
The average head weighs about 11 pounds. Mine weighed 111 pounds. That’s a lot of excess noggin to carry around all day long.
So, I decided to lose some of the excess weight in my head. I wanted to shed the so-called baggage so many of us carry around.
What I discovered surprised me.
I had a lot of bags. And they were packed pretty tight.
This is an MRI of my head before I put it on a diet.
Yikes, those suitcases were packed pretty darn tight in there.
And they were so colorful. No wonder I became so attached to them.
No wonder my head felt so heavy.
On some days I could barely get it off the ground.
I decided to put my head on a diet. However, instead of pounds, I was going to shed some of the thoughts that were packed so neatly and tightly (and colorfully) into all that baggage in my head.
I put myself on the Get-That-Shit-Out-Of-Your-Head diet. Also known as….
The AFGO* Diet.
Basically, it goes something like this:
Pick a thought, any thought, and work it baby. Work it out. Shake it, roll it, crunch it, just like you would do in a gym for your abs. And then…
Starve it.
How do you starve a thought? By refusing to believe it unless you know that it’s absolutely positively without-a-doubt YOU COULD PROVE IT TO EINSTEIN…
A FACT!
And even then you may not want to bother with it.
Let’s face it, you don’t go around all day reciting facts.
Unless you’re me.
Hence, we have choices to make. What kind of thinking are we going to allow into our heads?
Facts? Thoughts? Beliefs?
Which facts? Which thoughts? Which beliefs?
This takes a conscious effort. You are going to be testing the thoughts and beliefs you acquired through osmosis.
First, let’s clarify.
A fact is undisputable and provable.
A thought can be a fact or something you make up or choose to believe.
A belief is a thought you keep thinking. A belief is not a fact.
Your thoughts and beliefs create your reality.
Your reality is what you choose it to be, based on the thoughts and beliefs you allow to swim around in your head.
If your reality sucks, you’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do.
To yourself.
In her book Self Coaching 101, Brooke Castillo teaches how to run your thoughts through a five-step process that’ll help unpack all that baggage. Brooke calls this the Self Coaching Model, and it works like a charm: Name the circumstance; identify the thought that it triggers; recognize the feeling that goes with the thought; then notice the action you want to take when you feel that way. The end result is always related to your original (icky) thought.
You know how I love a good math problem, so here is my rendering of Brooke’s model as a mathematical formula.
Notice all that commotion around the T? Why do you suppose that is?
BECAUSE ALL YOUR POWER LIES IN THE T. FIX THE T AND YOU WILL GET THE R YOU WANT.
Simple math. (I am so good at math. This is a belief I have because I keep thinking the thought. I don’t care if you believe me. I like this thought.)
Our old thinking patterns are often triggered by present day circumstances, but if we pay close attention to the triggers, we can clean up our thinking and subsequently our reality.
For example…
I have a client, we’ll call her Esmerelda Von Glick, (is that not the coolest name?–I wish it were real) who often gets triggered when in the presence of her mother. Let’s start with the circumstance that triggers the thinking that sends Esmerelda into a tizzy.
Circumstance: Esmerelda’s mother often makes comments about her daughter’s weight. (Note that the circumstance is always a fact… Esmerelda’s mother actually said the words: ”Ezzy, if you lose 30 pounds you would look so pretty”).
Kapowie!
Esmerelda has a hissy fit the size of __________ (insert the name of something really really big here because I can’t think of anything big enough).
Why does Ezzy have a fit? Because whenever her mother tells her she should lose weight, Ezzy thinks “My mother hates me because I’m fat.” And even after her mother is long gone, Esmerelda continues to think:
My mother hates me because I’m fat.
I hate my mother.
Everybody hates me because I’m fat.
I hate everybody.
I hate me.
While it is a fact that Ezzy’s mother often makes comments about her daughter’s weight, it is not a fact that her mother hates her; that Ezzy hates her mother, that everybody hates Ezzy, or that she hates herself.
These are just thoughts. Which have become beliefs. Because Ezzy keeps thinking them.
When she has these thoughts, Ezzy feels sad, lonely, depressed. The feelings are real, even though the thoughts are all in her head. Like those pretty little suitcases I had in my head.
What does Ezzy do when she feel sad, lonely, depressed? She eats. The result? She gains weight. Ezzy sees the weight gain as evidence that her fatness makes everyone hate her.
Ezzy could spend her whole life in painful thoughts like this. Or she could use this as an AFGO* moment!
How?
Ezzy can change her thinking around her mother’s comments.
‘Cause she ain’t nevah evah gonna change her mama!
I’m not saying this is simple.
But it can be.
It’s all up to you.
Self Coaching 101 teaches you how to take back the power you have to create a better reality for yourself. It shows you how to clean up your thinking.
You can’t change your circumstances, but you can change the way you think about them.
Back to Esmerelda Von Glick (whom I’d like to tell you is a very famous princess in Sweden but I would be lying): Here is a fast-forward version of how we worked together to clean up her thinking.
Circumstance: Her mother says: Ezzy, if you lose 30 pounds you would look so pretty.
Ezzy’s new thought: My mother worries about my weight.
Ezzy’s new feeling: Loved by her mother, (even when her mother is annoying as hell.)
Ezzy’s new action: She goes for a walk.
Ezzy’s new result: She feels loved.
Okay, I know this a big leap from when she started but over time and with practice, Esmerelda, the Princess of Her Own Life, has created a better reality for herself. Her mother hasn’t changed, but Ezzy has!
How freakin’ cool is that?
Try it yourself and comment below… I’ll help if you need it.
1. Start with the circumstance (fact).
2. Name ONE thought that it triggers. (You’ll do this for each thought that you have.)
3. What feeling(s) does this give you.
4. What action do you take; that is, what do you do, when you feel like this.
5. What is the result of your action?
Get to work my lovely people.
Not only will this work make you lose weight in your head, but it will also make all your wildest dreams come true.
*AFGO=Another F***ing Growth Opportunity
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